What Makes a Marriage?
Why does marriage matter? Why is it worth preserving? As a marriage and family therapist these questions strike at the heart of what I set out to address in my work every day with couples who are arguing, feeling disconnected, or struggling to persevere through a desert season. Why is it that we have a whole mental health speciality focused on the support and preservation of marriage? What makes marriage so special?
If we buy in to modern ideas about relationships we may be tempted to think that marriage is defined as the most intense version of romantic love. That when we decide to marry someone, we are declaring our deepest, most ardent love and affection because we’ve found the person who fits us best. But is that what God had in mind when He instituted this relationship called a marriage? Did He design Eve so she and Adam would have great chemistry? So they would never feel lonely? So they’d have someone to talk to when the kids grew up and went off to college.
God’s Design for Marriage in Scripture
When we look to Scripture to inform our understanding of marriage, we find God’s wise design for marriage goes far beyond romantic ideas of finding my person or locking in a companion for the golden years. While not comprehensive, Jesus’ comments in Matthew 19 give us a concise overview of what makes marriage different from all other relationships. The Pharisees tried to test Jesus by asking him a question about divorce; before addressing their immediate question, Jesus contextualizes his response in verses 4-6 by calling out four distinctives about marriage according to God’s design:
4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
In this passage, Jesus highlights four defining characteristics that make marriage unique. Jesus notes that marriage requires Priority, Complementarity, Exclusivity, and Longevity. Let’s briefly take a look at all four.
Priority: Marriage as a New Family Unit
Priority. Jesus draws his listeners’ attention all the way to the beginning of time, citing the creation of man and God’s intention that “man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.” Rather than immediately address the Pharisees’ question about divorce legalities, Jesus frames his response in the context of God’s original design. When two “become one flesh” in marriage they are a new entity. They are distinct and separate from the two individuals they were before and from the families that nurtured them. When a couple marries, they create a new family, a new loyalty, a new center of gravity. No earthly relationship requires greater fidelity than that of husband and wife.
Complementarity: Male and Female in Unity
Complementarity. Jesus distinguishes marriage as a relationship of complements—that is, each marriage includes one man and one woman. Again, referring to the creation of man, he highlights the dichotomy of male and female, indicating these two separate and complementary individuals become united in marriage “so they are no longer two but one flesh.” Historically, the consummation of marriage in sexual intercourse has exemplified the pinnacle of this oneness, when husband and wife join together in soul, spirit, and body—both a symbolic and physical representation of the one flesh nature of the covenant of marriage.
Exclusivity: A Covenant Between Two People
Exclusivity. By virtue of being comprised of one man and one woman, Jesus defines marriage as limited to only two people. These two people are not interchangeable and the twosome is not open to additions. Jesus refers to “the two” because there are, by definition, two. The two, the only two, becoming one.
Longevity: Marriage Designed for Lifelong Commitment
Longevity. Jesus makes it clear that God designed marriage to be lifelong. He refers to married couples as those “God has joined together” and cautions “let not man separate.” This includes the man and woman who make up the marriage themselves, who may be inclined to dissolve the marriage via divorce. Jesus again takes the Pharisee’s question about divorce and redirects them to consider where their focus ought to be. Rather than parsing the particulars of first century marriage law, he admonishes them to galvanize themselves with the truth that marriage is designed for permanence.
Marriage as a Covenant, Not Just a Contract
When we consider the Scriptural picture of marriage as a lifelong, exclusive monogamous relationship between husband and wife we are better equipped to understand what God intended in creating this unique and good covenant relationship. Marriage is not simply an expression of love and affection, of strong feeling or practical or logistical convenience. It is a present, physical symbol of God’s faithfulness to His people and a living illustration of His call to commit ourselves to a life of sacrificial love and unconditional service.
Strenghtening & Preserving Marriage
Marriage is not only a relationship—it is a covenant designed to reflect God’s faithfulness, love, and commitment. But even covenant relationships can face seasons of difficulty, distance, and disconnection.
At Firm Foundation Family Services, we walk alongside couples who are navigating conflict, rebuilding trust, or simply seeking to strengthen their relationship before challenges grow deeper.
If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or simply want support strengthening your marriage, we invite you to reach out. Healing and restoration are possible—and you don’t have to walk through it alone.
👉 Contact Firm Foundation Family Services today to schedule a consultation and take the next step toward a stronger, more connected marriage.
FAQ
What is the biblical definition of marriage?
In Scripture, marriage is defined as a covenant relationship established by God between one man and one woman. It reflects unity (“one flesh”), exclusivity, and lifelong commitment, and is designed to symbolize God’s faithfulness to His people.
Why did God create marriage?
God created marriage to reflect His covenant relationship with humanity, to provide companionship, and to establish a foundation for family, love, and mutual sacrificial service. It is both relational and spiritual in purpose.
What does “one flesh” mean in marriage?
The phrase “one flesh” (Matthew 19:5–6) describes the deep unity God intends for marriage—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It signifies a permanent covenant bond that goes beyond emotional connection or legal agreement.
Is marriage only about love and compatibility?
While love and compatibility are important aspects of marriage, the biblical view of marriage goes deeper. Marriage is a covenant rooted in commitment, sacrifice, and faithfulness—not just emotional connection or personal fulfillment.