Years ago when I was pursuing my parent coaching certification I was introduced to the concept of self-care. In the ten plus years since then I’ve seen the language of self-care flood the culture. Apparently we were all hungry for encouragement to take a break, slow down, and grab a little me-time.
Secular and church communities alike are awash with messages about the importance of looking out for ourselves: take a load off; you deserve a break; treat yourself; and don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first. It seems the pendulum swing for some of us has turned from idolizing busyness, output, and constant production and replaced it with down time and a little more focus on little ol’ me.
So what are we to make of this? What does the Bible have to say about turning our attention to our own needs? Didn’t Jesus tell us to love ourselves so we can love others well?
A few thoughts:
Modern self-care messaging and the Bible
The modern concept of self-care—that it’s important to meet one’s own needs, attend to one’s own interests, and even indulge one’s own impulses—is not taught in Scripture. While the term “self-care” is not a biblical term, the Bible does acknowledge people’s tendencies to elevate our own priorities, serve our own interests, and fight for our own desires. But these tendencies are never praised in Scripture, but rather warned against. James notes that our covetous desires lead to fights and quarrels (Js 4:1-3), Paul points out that love does not insist on its own way (1 Cor 13:5), and Jesus explicitly instructs his disciples not to look out for themselves but to seek God above all things and trust Him to meet even their most practical needs for food and clothing (Mt 6:31-33).
Proponents of self-care practices insist that self-care does not mean selfishness or self-indulgence. Yet the hundreds of millions to tens of billions of dollars generated each year by the self-help/self-improvement/self-care industries pokes at least a few billion holes in the idea that self-care is about optimizing our health. The idea that self-care is essential for health and wellness is a marketing strategy, not a godly exhortation.
Does that mean the Bible teaches us to ignore our own legitimate needs?
Scripture acknowledges the needs inherent to our finite nature—we need food, water, shelter, and clothing. God Himself knows this and teaches us to seek Him with all our hearts and look to Him for provision and care (Mt 6:32, Lk 12:30). From the beginning, God created us to steward His creation (Gen 1:28, 2:15). Stewardship requires we be aware of the purposes for which we were made and realistic about our capabilities. God also created a sabbath day and commanded us to keep it—to rest—an explicit statement that our calling is not carried out only in being productive, but in finding refuge and restoration through intentional fellowship with Him (Ex 20:8).
Far from teaching us to focus on ourselves and meet our own needs, Scripture exhorts us to seek and serve God, trusting that in Him we lack for nothing. Rest is essential to our well being, but rest is not the same as leisure or entertainment, and it is not accomplished by doomscrolling or “taking a brain break.” Scriptural rest means connecting to the source of our strength—God alone—so we are equipped and prepared to meet the demands before us. He is the vine, we are the branches; we must stay connected to Him or our strength withers and we can do nothing (Jn 15:1-5).
But doesn’t Jesus tell us to love ourselves so we can love others?
Jesus teaches that the greatest commandment is to love God, and the second greatest is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mt 22:39, Mk 12:31). I have heard many people suggest that Jesus is encouraging us to love ourselves well so that we may be equipped to love others in similar fashion. But the text doesn’t say that. Jesus does not say to love yourself, but to love your neighbor as yourself. The instructional emphasis is on loving others; loving yourself is the illustration. His command is not telling you to love yourself—his command assumes you already do.
We are all remarkably capable of tending to ourselves. When we are sleepy, we go to bed; hungry, we eat; thirsty, we drink; messy, we clean ourselves; cranky, we indulge our impulse to snap or pout or isolate; happy, we celebrate. We don’t need instruction to love ourselves—we come out of the womb fully prepared to grow into self-serving adults of the highest order. When Jesus used our love of ourselves to describe how we are to love others he was calling us not to greater self-love, but to love others to the greatest human degree.
So then what do I do if I’m totally exhausted?
Rather than abandoning you to a trite bumper sticker slogan, God invites you to experience true restoration by surrendering to Him and calling on Him for help. The beauty of the gospel message is that in our weakness, God offers to be our strength and sustenance. If you feel overtaxed, overstressed, and overwhelmed, the remedy is not more focus on yourself and your own needs. The truth is you were not designed to be self-sufficient, but to find your fullness in Christ alone. Turn to Him, the “founder and perfecter of our faith” (Heb 12:2), and find the joy of true care from the One who created you.
If you are struggling under the weight of stress or exhaustion, schedule a free consultation to explore your next steps.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is self-care biblical?
The phrase “self-care” does not appear in Scripture. While the Bible recognizes our need for food, rest, shelter, and care, it calls us to seek God first, trust Him for provision, and live in service to Him and others rather than making ourselves the center of our lives.
What does the Bible say about rest?
Scripture presents rest as a gift from God. The Sabbath reminds us that our worth is not found in constant productivity and that we are called to find renewal through fellowship with God. Biblical rest is more than leisure; it is restoration rooted in dependence on Him.
Does “love your neighbor as yourself” mean I need to love myself first?
Jesus’ command to love our neighbors as ourselves assumes that people already naturally care for their own needs and interests. The emphasis is not on cultivating greater self-love, but on extending the same attentive, practical care to others.
What should I do when I feel exhausted or overwhelmed?
Exhaustion is a reminder that we are not self-sufficient. Bring your need to God in prayer, make space for true rest, and seek wise support from trusted members of your church community or a qualified counselor when needed. God meets His people in their weakness and provides strength for what lies ahead.
Can Christian counseling help when I feel stressed or stuck?
Christian counseling can provide a compassionate setting to explore stress, relationships, emotions, and life circumstances through both practical therapeutic support and a biblical worldview. It can help you pursue clarity, healthier patterns, and hope without treating self-sufficiency as the goal