Standing Firm: What It Takes to Stand in Marriage
What Does It Take to Stand in Marriage?
What does it take, in a marriage, to stand? To hold ground, stake a claim, remain resolute?
In a marriage riddled with conflict, how does one spouse make the choice, this time, to say help me understand rather than why don’t you ever listen?
For the spouse feeling overwhelmed and put upon to say thank you for your help instead of is that all you have to offer?
For the spouse feeling nagged and criticized to say I’m sorry I let you down instead of nothing will ever be good enough for you!
Standing Requires Discipline, Diligence, and Intention
Standing, in a marriage, is much harder than many of us anticipate on the day we say our vows under a garland of roses in front of our closest family and friends. Standing requires discipline, diligence, and intention. Standing forces us to confront our romantic notions about spontaneity, loyalty, and priorities. Standing demands that we communicate even when we don’t want to, think we shouldn’t have to, or wonder if it’ll make any difference. Standing calls us to confront our own selfish tendencies and face the truth that sometimes I’m not so easy to love, yet I expect my spouse to do it anyway because that’s what love does.
When Marriage Feels Difficult
I meet couples every week who, in one way or another, are contending with how to stand when everything in them screams it’s not worth it, you deserve better, your spouse will never change! The voices in our heads are convincing and rarely do they call us to account.
Some folks will spend an entire hour outlining to me their spouse’s deficits. I long for them to understand—and try to prudently point out—that perhaps part of the difficulty is their spouse has a spouse who is convinced they are oblivious, incapable, incurably selfish or hopelessly “mentally ill.” When was the last time you were inspired to greatness by incessant finger pointing and doomsday predictions?
Choosing Hope and Goodwill in Marriage
How important it is to remember the power of a little hope, a little goodwill, a little gratitude! Believers are called to love, honor, and respect their spouse not because such things are deserved, but because to love, honor, and respect is to behave like Christ. Christ died for the ungodly. He died for sinners. He didn’t die for lovely folks with good intentions all doing their best; he died for the ones who spit on him, falsely accused him, and denied his association.
When we understand what it took for him to give up his life so that we might live forever, we take one step closer to knowing that it takes to stand in marriage.
Marriage as an Opportunity for Daily Worship
Marriage is a lifelong opportunity for daily worship in the life of a believer. It is a consistent, tangible call to die to self and to elevate the needs of another. Such a call is an invitation to surrender to God’s greatest command to love Him, and in so doing become equipped to love others as He loves. The task is not easy, but the blessing to those who answer it is rich.
Brothers and sisters, I invite you to stand.
If conflict has made it difficult to hear one another, understand one another, or move forward together, marriage counseling can provide a place to begin. Firm Foundation Family Services offers Christian counseling for couples and families in Northern Virginia.
For another reflection on the biblical purpose and meaning of marriage, read What Makes a Marriage?
Frequently Asked Questions About Standing Firm in Marriage
What does it mean to stand firm in marriage?
Standing firm in marriage means remaining committed to the work of loving, communicating, forgiving, and serving your spouse even when marriage becomes difficult. For Christians, that commitment is rooted not only in the marriage covenant but also in the call to reflect Christ's love in how we treat one another.
How can Christians love their spouse when they are struggling with conflict?
Conflict can make it easy to focus entirely on what a spouse is doing wrong. Standing firm invites each person to consider their own words, actions, expectations, and responses while seeking to understand the other person. Small choices toward patience, gratitude, humility, and honest communication can help create space for change.
When should a couple consider Christian marriage counseling?
Christian marriage counseling can provide support when a couple is struggling with ongoing conflict, communication, disconnection, resentment, or other relationship concerns. Counseling can offer a structured place to understand patterns in the relationship, practice healthier communication, and explore marriage through a biblical framework.
What does the Bible say about love and marriage?
Scripture presents marriage as a covenant relationship marked by love, sacrifice, faithfulness, and service. For Christians, loving a spouse is part of the broader call to love others as Christ loves us. Marriage can therefore become a daily opportunity to practice humility, forgiveness, patience, and selflessness.